How to Cheat Death
by The Shadow's Soul
Summary: After his untimely death, a mistake in the universe causes Luffy to be stuck watching the world repeat itself in an infinite time loop. When Kami eventually fixes the mistake, he can finally begin his journey to cure boredom.
1. Part 1 - The Childhood Saga 1

**Oh my, how long has it been since I've written a fanfic? Three years?**

**Last time I attempted one, it turned into an enormous monstrosity named Dizhonas and spawned an entire new universe inside my head so...yeah. (Shameless self-advertising)**

**Anyway, this story is a time travel fic. I know, another one. But I'm trying to make this one original, and I have a thing for overpowered characters wiping the floor with overconfident villains.**

**Expect lots of butt whooping.**

**The fic will be done in parts, the first one being the childhood saga. The first one will be written very simply compared to the others, since I am lazy and don't want to spend my efforts on backstory. (Sorry to any backstory fans.)**

**Sabo will probably appear more often in later parts as well.**

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Mad Skillz**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Shanks_

_Garp_

* * *

"Yeah, I _know_ that. It's kinda obvious but what I'm sayin' is that I am _super_ strong, like _really_ really strong. Totes strong."

"...Totes?"

"Totally. It means totally."

"Oh."

"..."

"Well, if you really are so strong, why didn't you show me before?"

"Didn't feel like it."

"...That's a lame excuse."

"You didn't feel like fightin' that one time and ended up gettin' me into trouble. I woulda shown you my skill but it was your fault so you shoulda been the one to clean it up, if ya know what I'm sayin'."

"That's even worse."

" #$% you."

_~Later on~_

"Where did you get that hat?"

"Shanks."

"Why did he give it to you?"

"Cuz I'm awesome."


	2. Part 1 - The Childhood Saga 2

**By the way, Ace also got sent back in time. But just a normal time travel, nothing special like with Luffy. Don't ask me why, I just felt like it.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: So Much Bull**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Ace_

_Sabo_

* * *

"Oh, hi Ace!"

"...How did you know my name?"

"I know lotsa things but I'm not tellin' you how~!"

"...Did you get sent back as well?"

"...What. Why. How. No. Noooooo. Why you. Whyyyyyyyy."

"...Um..."

"WHY DID YOU GO STRAIGHT BACK AND I DIDN'T!? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET HERE!? DO YOU!?"

"..."

"I HATE EVERYTHIN'."

_~Later on~_

"...So, you got stuck in an infinite time loop...and you get reincarnated into your old body?"

"Pretty much."

"And how did that happen?"

"No clue."


	3. Part 1 - The Childhood Saga 3

**Chapter 3: Rad Plans**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Sabo_

_Ace_

* * *

"So I'm going to die?"

"Yup."

"But I'm not actually going to die?"

"Uh-huh."

"And I'll stay in hiding for twelve years until I finally decide to show my face again?"

"Basically."

"Well, what should I do this time?"

"Exactly the same."

"...Why?"

"Cuz it was pretty important the first time and I'm too lazy to figure out how everythin' would change if ya didn't."

"..."

"The same goes with you, Ace. Like, I don't mean you're gonna have to die, but that big ass war's gonna have to stay, and I think what's-his-face with the moustache is gonna have to die as well."

"WHAT!?"

_~Later on~_

"_Was I supposed to end up with the revolutionaries?"_

"Yup. Very important."

"_What am I supposed to do now?"_

"I dunno. Revolutionary stuff I guess. You're not gonna be important for another 600 chapters, at least."

"_..."_

"Have fun!"

* * *

**So, yeah. Important plot points like this will stay (relatively) the same. They are necessary for the world to develop, so I had to keep them in.**


	4. Part 1 - The Childhood Saga 4

**Chapter 4: Too Pro**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Ace_

* * *

"How did you get this powerful!? I _swear_ that I'm missing something here."

"Time loop, Ace. Time loop."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you watched the entire world from beginning to end and now know magical techniques from the ancient times."

"It sucked."

"I don't really see why, but whatever. I just don't know how that would make you able to _control large amounts of water while possessing a devil fruit_."

"It's cuz I'm too pro for you, Ace."

"I really hate you sometimes."

"I know."

_~Later on~_

"YOU JUST BROKE MY LEG YOU #$%ING IDIOT!"

"Oops. :D"

* * *

**I got reviews! :D**

**AshesAndDreams: Thank you! And yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I wrote the chapters like that because I didn't want to spend much time on the backstory, and putting 'so-and-so said' after every sentence felt weird. It should get easier after I finish the backstory.**

**6Lisa9: Thank you! You can translate it if you want.**


	5. Part 1 - The Childhood Saga 5

**Chapter 5: Leavin' Home**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Ace_

_Sabo_

* * *

"SEE YOU LATER, BUTT-FACE!"

"THE #$% DID YOU CALL ME!?"

"I CALLED YOU BUTT-FACE, BUTT-FACE!"

"I'LL KILL YOU NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, I SWEAR!"

"GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BUTT-FACE!"

...

"...What are they going on about?"

"No idea."

_~Later on~_

"I am _so_ going to kill Luffy. You don't even know."

"_...I wouldn't count on it, Ace."_

* * *

**It's the end of the Childhood Saga! Luffy will be leaving the island next chapter, which is where the ****_real_**** fun begins. ;P And just so you know, the guy speaking in italics is Sabo. He's talking on the snail-telephone-thing because he's off doing revolutionary stuff while Ace and Luffy are pirating.**

**Reviews! :3**

**bloodyrose: Thank you!**

**6Lisa9: Thank you! And the one with the broken leg is Ace. I'm glad you agree!**


	6. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 1

**Hello, and now we begin...The East Blue Saga! Chapters will be slightly different, with action and serious scenes containing description of outside events! Straight up humour will remain as dialogue, since humour is best served simple.**

**Let the fun begin!**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Pink Hair is Lame**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Coby_

* * *

Aboard a pirate ship, there was a boy. He had pink hair, which was lame. In fact, almost everything about him was lame. He wasn't smart, or strong, or handsome. He wasn't even brave.

Despite all of this, he did have potential. He happened to be one of Luffy's few friends that _didn't_ die young.

As such, this potential would not be wasted.

"Why were you in a barrel!?"

"Do not question my motives, Coby."

"How do you know my name!?"

"Cuz I'm special."

"..."

"What? I'm to lazy to explain."

"..."

"Your hair is lame. You should dye it."

* * *

**Reviews!**

**FlightWulf: Thank you! I said something before about the dialogue, but it should be easier now.**

**Sparrow1011: I don't know whether that's a compliment or an insult. XP**


	7. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 2

**Chapter 7: I'm not Sayin' you're Ugly**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Alvida_

_Coby_

* * *

"...but you _really_ need to lose some weight. Seriously, obesity is real bad, you're gonna get real sick if you don't exercise sum more."

The fat ugly whale, also known as Alvida, seethed at his words.

"Look, I don't wanna offend you or anythin', I'm just worried, y'know?"

Coby squeaked and hid behind him.

"Though I know of a devil fruit that might help you out there..."

The sound of shattering wood interrupted his speech. It seemed like Alvida didn't appreciate his good advice.

"Rude."

* * *

**Reviews!**

**FlightWulf: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy it.**

**Lily Noir: Thank you!**


	8. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 3

**Chapter 8: Meet my Friend, Lord of the Coast**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Coby_

_Lord of the Coast_

* * *

After wiping the floor with a fat ugly whale...I meant Alvida...Luffy and his new friend Coby decide to take a boat and turn tail.

"Is that a sea monster!?"

"Oh, he's a friend."

"A...what?"

He gave Coby the you-are-the-stupidest-person-ever-why-are-we-even-friends look before explaining.

"A friend is someone who-"

"I KNOW THAT!"

_~Flashback~_

"_HEY, YOU!"_

_Lord of the Coast turned around, recognising the voice. Wasn't that the boy he almost ate a while back...? He was probably going to say something along this lines of "Bring it on!" or "I'll show you how much stronger I've gotten!"_

"_WANNA COME ON AN ADVENTURE!?"_

_He stared at the boy for a long while._

_~End flashback~_

"...Why."

"He had a tragic backstory."

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed so far! This story ****_does_**** have a plot, by the way. It's just that Luffy's stuck in the "laugh-at-everything-you-see-because-you've-seen-it-all-before" phase and I can't get him out of it.**

**And the Sea King's name is actually Lord of the Coast. I checked.**


	9. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 4

**Chapter 9: Actually Cheating Death**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Zoro_

_Kuina_

_Coby_

* * *

At a small marine base on a small island in the middle of nowhere, there was a thug. He had been captured by an asshole of a aristocrat, and was currently tied to a post. The most notable thing about him was his green hair (which was lame) and his three swords.

The swords weren't with him at that moment.

Suddenly, a head appeared from over the top of the wall.

The pink-haired (lame) boy next to the head squeaked and said something which Zoro couldn't quite hear.

But he didn't care. His focus was on the strawhat-wearing miscreant that was currently standing entirely too close.

"Hi, Zoro!"

_~Flashback~_

_A loud crash interrupted one of Zoro and Kuina's many battles. It seemed like someone had punched a hole in the roof._

_A young boy jumped through the hole and landed in front of them. He pointed at Kuina._

"_YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"_

_Zoro and Kuina stared at him._

"_THERE'S GONNA BE SOME WEIRD-ASS ACCIDENT ON SUM STAIRS AND YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"_

_He grabbed Kuina's shoulders and shook her._

"_DON'T DIE! ZORO NEEDS YOU!"_

_Nobody knew what to think after that._

_~End flashback~_

"You're crazy."

"Am I?"

* * *

**Lame hair and sudden flashbacks are going to be a thing now.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	10. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 5

**Chapter 10: Wanna Join my Crew?**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Zoro_

_Coby_

* * *

"Why would I go with you!?"

"If you don't, you're gonna die."

"..."

"Blondie is actually a lyin' asshole and he's gonna kill you in three days."

"..."

"And~! If I rescue you, then you'll owe me your life! Not to mention what I did for your little friend..."

"..."

"So basically, if you don't come along then you're a jerk."

"I hate you."

_~Later on~_

"Okay, here's your swords! I'll put them here."

"..."

"Blondie is gonna be comin' soon, so you'd better make up your mind."

"..."

"Anyway, there's sum girlie that's robbin' these marines and I've gotta bone to pick with her. See ya later!"

Zoro stared after him for a while, before turning his head to look at Coby.

Coby shrugged.

* * *

**Thank you for all the reviews! I am so happy, you don't even know.**

**FlightWulf: Thank you! I'm glad you find it funny, I really tried.**

**under . that . sun: Thank you!**

**psunshine2: Thank you! I don't really know if you mean in chapter length or story length, but the chapters are short because then I can update faster and things are funnier when they're short. The story itself won't be ending for a loooonng while.**


	11. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 6

**I forgot to mention this! 9Lisa9 is an awesome person and has kindly translated this story into French! I don't know how to show links on this site, so if you want to read it you can either go to 9Lisa9's page or put '****Comment tromper la mort' in the search bar.**

******So, thank you to 9Lisa9! :)**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Backstory Protection Squad?**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Nami_

_Arlong_

* * *

While the marines were still unaware of Luffy's plan to free Zoro, there was a thief. She was a very skilled thief, frighteningly so. She was also very pretty and had bright orange hair. Which was lame.

She was in the process of thieving the marine base.

As she was casually walking through the corridors, a certain person suddenly appeared at the window.

She made sure to put her fist through his face.

_~Flashback~_

"_...You'll be my first example to others...! Die for your stupid love."_

_Just before Arlong pulled the trigger that would have ended Bellemere's life, a shout rang across the island._

"_ARLONG!"_

_Everyone stopped and turned to look at the new arrival. A small boy wearing a lame cape that said 'Backstory Protection Squad'._

"_I WILL CRUSH YOU!"_

_Arlong just laughed at him. He lowered the gun and turned to face him._

"_Do you really think that you-"_

_He was silenced by a perfectly executed Naruto-style water jutsu to the face._

_Luffy turned and walked silently away, lame cape flying in the wind._

_~End flashback~_

Lying on the ground beneath the window, Luffy was only vaguely aware of the shouting from above.

"WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT!?"

She'd probably attract the marines if she continued.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MAD THOSE ARLONG PIRATES WERE AFTER YOU MURDERED THEIR CAPTAIN!?"

* * *

**If there was one thing good about Naruto, it was the fighting style. And you know those magical techniques from the ancient times that Ace mentioned? Those were jutsu. Luffy uses water justu for the irony. Also, it's smart since there is water literally everywhere.**

**Sorry for not updating for a while. I was working on my original stories and finishing off homework. Also I'm waiting for the manga to reveal...certain things...so I can add them to the fic. I can always go back and edit things if they prove to be wrong, but...that would be annoying and I am lazy.**

**Reviews!**

**6Lisa9: I'm sorry if it's hard to translate. :( I don't really know anything about French. But thank you for trying! And Nami is present, as you can see.**

**TheBlackSpirit: Thank you!**


	12. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 7

**Chapter 12: Not My Fault**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Coby_

_Nami_

* * *

There was chaos at the marine base.

Nami's shouting had alerted the guards, who were now under the assumption that they were here to free Zoro and steal as much money as possible.

They weren't quite wrong, either.

"Zoro!"

The shout was barely heard above the noise of the hundred-or-so marines that were chasing him. Coby immediately began panicking.

"WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO!?"

Luffy stopped running and pointed at the orange-haired (lame) girl behind him, who was carrying quite a few bags of loot.

"Her fault."

"WHY IS IT MY FAULT!?"

* * *

**Short chapter, sorry. I'm not very happy with this chapter. :(**

**Reviews!**

**Delta Wish: Thank you!**

**under . that . sun: Thank you!**

**FlightWulf: Thank you! It's okay if you don't review each one, I'm just glad you're reading!**

**Star Josherson: Thank you! I really appreciate it!**


	13. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 8

**Okay, so quite a long chapter here, hope it makes up for the last one. A warning though, this one contains angst. But at least you get to see what exactly happened to Luffy in the past. ;P**

**Also, I changed the ending slightly in chapter 11.**

**under . that . sun: Ah, sorry. I wasn't very happy with it myself either. But to make up for it have a very long, angsty chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Suffocate**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Nami_

_Zoro_

* * *

After pacifying the marines by getting rid of their tyrannical leader and dropping Coby off with them, Luffy and others were enjoying a nice lunch at that one random bar I can't remember the name of.

"You owe us some explanations, especially if you want us to join your crew."

"Yeah, well, look Zoro. I was kinda in a hurry before coz Sanji's backstory happened like, at the same time as yours so I had to be _real_ quick an' I was waitin' for at least two people to be present before I explained coz I really don't wanna say it again, y'know?"

"..."

"_But~_ I guess I'll explain it now."

_~Flashback~_

_It was just another ordinary day on the Thousand Sunny._

_The weather was calm and even Sanji and Zoro's usual fights had slackened off._

_Then suddenly...they disappeared._

_It looked for all the world that the Strawhat Pirates had simply vanished off the face of the earth._

_They were never heard of again._

* * *

"You mean...we all used to be your friends at one point?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that would explain some things."

* * *

_To the Strawhats, one moment there was blue sky and sea, next moment there was blackness._

_It was like everything in the world had just...vanished. Even the air around them was gone._

_There was nothing to save them as they slowly suffocated to death._

* * *

"...That's depressing."

"I know, right?"

* * *

_Luffy awoke in blackness._

_He vaguely recalled the feeling of suffocation, but it looked like nothing had changed at all._

_He didn't know how long he was stuck there, but he slowly became aware of things._

_With wide eyes, he watched as the universe was created around him._

* * *

"That's impossible!"

"I know what I saw, Nami."

* * *

_At first it was interesting to watch the world develop from it's early days. He found it strangely fascinating to compare the first humans to the ones he knew from his time._

_But knowing Luffy, he got bored very quickly._

_He tried everything to contact __**somebody**__ so he could get out of there, but there was nothing._

_Nobody could hear or see him, and he hadn't seen Kami in years now._

_As time went on, he became more and more aware of the horror that lived in this world._

_But there was nothing he could do._

_**Just end it already.**_

_He'd given up hoping he would ever return._

_He didn't remember how many times he'd seen the world play over._

_He'd done everything he could in his situation._

_There was nothing left for him-_

_**JUST END IT ALREADY.**_

"Luffy!"

_**stopitstopitstopitstopitstopit-**_

_Watching the world end was something that no one needed to see._

_Why was this happening to him?_

_What did he do to deserve this!?_

_**JUST END IT ALREADY.**_

_**Backwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwardsbackwards-**_

_I don't wanna start over I j__**UST WANT IT TO STOP.**_

* * *

"LUFFY!"

He blinked.

"Are you okay?"

Luffy looked away, avoiding their stares.

"I'm fine."

* * *

_Luffy sat on the ground, staring at the sky without thought or feeling._

_He'd given up. There was nothing left for him anymore._

_At that moment, a light appeared behind him._

_He stood up and spun around. This was new._

_An angel stepped out of the light._

"_My name is Mia. I am here to apologise for all of the trouble that we have caused you."_

* * *

"An angel...?"

"At that point I was just grateful to get out of there."

* * *

"_What happened to you and your crew was a mistake in the universe. Your adoptive brother, Ace, wasn't supposed to die either."_

"_..."_

"_We've managed to fix this mistake, so if you would, please follow me."_

_She turned and vanished into the light._

_~End flashback~_

"And then I woke up, as a baby."

"...wow."

"That would explain why you acted so creepy when we were kids..."

"It doesn't explain your hat, though."

Everyone turned to look at Luffy's famous strawhat, with a yellow bandanna tied to it that read 'Backstory Protection Squad'.

* * *

**I'm sorry.**


	14. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 9

**This chapter is dedicated to Social Justice Tumblr, for all your amazingly useless rants about things that no one cares about.**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Row, row, row your boat...**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Nami_

_Jasper_

_Zoro_

* * *

"WHY DO YOU HAVE A SEA KING WITH YOU!?"

"He is my friend, his name is Jasper."

Lord of the Coast glared at him.

"Ugh...I don't even care any more."

Nami sighed and stared at the little boat she was expected to travel in.

"...We should have a destination, at least?"

"We go where the wind takes us."

Zoro laughed.

_~Later on~_

"THERE'S A HOLE IN THE BOAT, YOU MORON!"

"Well, row faster then!"

"WHY CAN'T THE SEA KING TOW THE BOAT OR SOMETHING!?"

"Jasper would never stoop so low!"

"..."

"I mean, come on! Would _you_ like it if sum random guy strapped you to a boat and made you swim?"

"...uh..."

"Jasper has feelin's too, y'know!"

"I really don't feel like that's the priority right now..."

"Spoken like a true white person! I can't believe you were ever my friend!"

* * *

**Sorry for the late chapter, I really don't have an excuse. I was lacking motivation and I thought that I should spit out at least one chapter...so it's a little rushed and short. Oh well. **

**And yes, I renamed the Sea King Jasper. 'Lord of the Coast' would have been annoying to type all the time and Jasper is a cool name.**

**Also, would you like it if I randomly jumped to a meanwhile where we saw what Ace was doing? Because I really want to do that. But I wont if you don't.**

**Reviews!**

**9Lisa9: I'm back now!**

**bloodyflower: Thank you!**

**Delta Wish: Thank you!**

**Star Josherson: Thank you! The bandana has an explanation...but that's for later.**

**TheBlackSpirit: Thank you!**

**under . that . sun: Yes, Ace and Sabo are alive and will hopefully show up soon. When I get the chance. But long chapters will sadly be a rare occurrence...considering everything I'm surprised I even made it this far.**


	15. Part 2 - The East Blue Saga 10

**Chapter 15: The Fat Ugly Guy with Lots of Chest Hair (Will Kill Y****ou in Your Sleep)**

* * *

_Characters:_

_Luffy_

_Buggy_

_Nami_

_Marco_

_Ace_

* * *

"AHAHAHA! MY NAME IS BUGGY, THE STRONGEST PIRATE IN EAST BLUE!"

"Well, Don Krieg is really the most powerful guy in East Blue. Not that it's hard be that guy."

"..."

"Your hair is lame."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY NOSE!?"

"I didn't say nothin' 'bout your nose."

"LUFFY! SHUT THE #$% UP AND HELP US!"

_~Meanwhile~_

On the ship of a very famous and powerful pirate, a certain bird-man was relaxing. The sky was clear, the ocean was calm, not an enemy in sight. He sighed and leaned against the wall, perfectly content.

The peace was interrupted by a loud shout from the mast.

"MARSHALL D. TEACH IS A GIANT BUTT!"

Nobody quite understood what was meant by this, either.

"HE HAS LITERALLY ZERO FANS!"

Ever since Ace had randomly appeared on the ship, demanding he be part of the crew, he had shouted rude about Teach every morning. He never explained why, just telling them that it was an attempt to 'wear down his disguise'.

You'd think that Marco would be used to it by now, but one could never get used to Ace's annoyingly loud voice.

"HIS BREATH STINKS!"

In short, Ace was a very strange person.

"AND HE'S UGLY!"

* * *

**I am back and I bring you Ace. He will be a gigantic moron so I hope you are prepared.**

**I'm sorely tempted to rename the entire fanfiction to this chapter title.**

**Reviews!**

**Delta Wish: That name was literally the first thing to appear in my brain and it was brilliant.**

**Fruitstogether: It's also funny to see him yelling random things at Blackbeard...but he'll do that in a flashback.**

**FlightWulf: Thank you! Ace be here.**

**6Lisa9: I'll have the meeting, but I don't think it happens until after Alabaster...I'll get there eventually. Thank you!**

**TheBlackSpirit: I'm glad I could make you feel better.**

**under . that . sun: Thank you! Jasper will always have a special place in my heart.**

**Nurofen: Thank you!**

**Now I have to go murder that spider that's giving me the eye...**


End file.
